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April 09, 2009
a henry update
a year ago today is when we found out we were pregnant. and my, how life has changed.
i had been in grief counseling for about three months, and had been making great strides in getting through the grief of having lost two children and giving our future family over to God. i prayed many times that winter with Hannah, as is recorded in the first chapter of 1st Samuel for the Lord to "look on the affliction of His maidservant and remember me, and not forget me, but give me a son" - or daughter, i did not care anymore. i, like hannah, was greatly distressed and wept bitterly Often. i felt like society judged me for being 30 and married but without child after 6 years of marriage. i ached each time i rode the bus and there were teenage girls being dropped off at the alternative high school, either greatly pregnant or carrying their new infant. my heart raged at the injustice, screaming "why Lord do you give them a child? they can't take care of a child? we have a home, a stable family, and so much love to provide a child? WHY THEM and NOT ME?" i still don't have the answers to those questions. perhaps i never will.
but with the help of my counselor i had been making progress, allowing God to work in my soul and remind me of his love for me Outside of granting my wishes. i was beginning to feel whole again, to feel like i had value and worth regardless of the presence or absence of offspring.
and on Good Friday - or Bad Friday, as we like to call it in our house - I laid down all my desires for a family; laid them right there at the foot of that cross and wept bitterly some more. that was March 21. i walked away from the cross that day with a lighter feeling on my shoulders, as though a heavy burden had been lifted. as though someOne had taken my hand and was helping me stand straight again.
we found out later that many friends had spent time in prayer for us that same day, some even spending multiple hours on their knees on our behalf.
fast forward two weeks and a bit to a pregnancy test because i was a couple days late and my temp charts were still up. it was positive.
again i wept, but this time not bitterly. such joy - though cautious joy - was overflowing my heart that i could not contain it in my eyes. we'd conceived, and without the assistance of the dr's "turkey baster", but as husband and wife with the help of the holy spirit. every day of the 8 weeks that followed were tenuous. i truly felt as though a life was literally hanging in the balance of my diet and actions. i stopped drinking coffee. i stopped drinking wine, except for an occasional sip here or there. i stopped swinging sledge hammers at the cast iron tub in our main floor bath...
the remainder of the spring and early summer i tried to rest. i was so very tired. and nerves - though not all out anxiety - kept me from being at ease. on june 1, i announced to the world on this site that we were expecting again and i asked for your prayers. we had made it over both of those first big hurdles of the first two miscarriages at 8 weeks and then 12. we were breathing a little easier but knew we still had a Long way to go.
summer was spent finishing the brick oven and shower renovation... of course dan did most of the work, as well as most of the cooking and cleaning and laundry because of my exhaustion. fall was spent prepping the nursery and taking birthing classes and getting a beautifully bulbous belly from my high-protein diet. except for bumping into things because it protruded so far and finding it difficult to get roll over in bed i didn't get too annoyed by it, and actually felt so beautiful. definitely blessed and maybe even proud of my "bump".
feeling the first flutters of his butterfly stroke were amazing and when he would start a tap dancing routine when i laid down to bed i couldn't help but laugh.
and now, Henry Danger Elzinga is nearly four months old. i'm a Mom, with the bulging biceps from carrying a near-20 pounder to show for it!
he's started standing now, supporting himself on his own legs while i hold him up for balance. and we've gotten through our first cold. yes, we. he and i both had a cold last week. (dan is still recovering...) i brought him to the dr even, because i was concerned for the bit of a rattle i was hearing in his chest. what did she say? she said he's cutting a tooth - CUTTING A TOOTH! - so he's got extra saliva and that's what i'm hearing. my little boy is growing up so fast.
his eyes are still blue, and great grandpa henry says that his dad's eyes were the very same shade. with that said, i'm hoping they stay this color then. he's getting a bit of hair - mostly on his eye lashes though! and he's entirely Out of the 3-6 months set of clothes we have. he still loves bath time but has graduated to showers with dad now. he absolutely Loves "airplane" and he's tolerating tummy time better now, holding his head up at a right angle to the floor now and looking around and focusing on things. and he's about to roll over any day now, i'm sure of it.
i want to express my gratitude to you. you have read and listened to us tell our story countless times. and now you celebrate with us over the miracle in my arms. may God bless you as much as He's blessed me By you.
xo cle
your host for this episode : carrie; April 9, 2009 10:43 AM
Comments
You are amazing! I love you!
from the peanut gallery of : Erica ; April 10, 2009 08:34 PM
By the way - isn't it just about your birthday? Happy Birthday, Carrie - and many more blessings ahead.
Sounds like Henry's going to need another round of larger clothing! He's growing like a weed! And more handsome each day!
from the peanut gallery of : StacyN ; April 12, 2009 04:43 PM